Tedium
by Ash The Wanderer
Summary: Agent Smith was waiting for Neo, Morpheus, and the Keymaker in the hallway of doors in Matrix Reloaded. He ran into Niobe (or Ghost) in the hallway in Enter the Matrix. Just how long was Agent Smith waiting in that damn hallway anyway?


Tedium

Agent Smith knew it was a perfect plan. And his clones knew it was a perfect plan as well. Although since they were him as well, they would already think it was a perfect plan, because his thoughts were their thoughts and if they thought different then he...Smith decided to jettison that line of thought and go onto another.

Anyway, perfect plan. It was simple. The One was his enemy. The One had to go to the Source. The only way to the Source was through this hallway. Hence, Smith could simply wait in the hallway until the One showed up, and then deal with him once and for all. What he was going to do was he finally destroyed the One was still undecided, but he would burn that bridge when he came to it.

However, the key issue would soon be whether or not that goal would ever occur…

"How long have we been waiting?" Smith 34 asked. The long white hallway was full of his copies: when the One finally came, they would hide behind the doors until Smith called for them, and then they would all destroy the One. Until then though, their main purpose was to stand and wait in the hallway.

Or so Smith thought.

"About seven minutes." Smith said.

"How long are we going to wait?" Smith 34 replied.

"Until the One arrives." Smith replied.

Some time later…

"So what are we going to say to the One when he arrives?" Smith 9 asked.

"Excuse me?" Smith replied.

"Well, we have to say SOMETHING. I doubt we're just going to pummel him in silence." Smith 9 said.

"Good point."

"How about 'sorry, this is a dead end?'" Smith 87 suggested.

"………No. That's ridiculously cliché." Smith said.

"We are going to kill you!"

"Too simple AND cliché."

"Viva las Vegas!" Smith 21 suggested.

Smith blinked at that one. He didn't have anything in HIS mind that would make him suggest that kind of nonsense, so he was at a loss as to where it had come from in that copy.

"I think not."

"It's battering time!" Smith 58 suggested.

"Stupid, cliché, and a rip off."

"Well, how about this." Smith 76 suggested. "I am the Alpha to your Omega…the Beginning…."

Some more time later…

"I spy with my little eye, something that is green!" Smith 90 said.

"That door?" Smith answered in a bored tone.

"Yes."

"I spy with MY little eye, something that is shiny!" Smith 42 said.

"That doorknob?" Smith answered again. He was strangely resisting the urge to yawn, which was strange because the act of yawning was designed to give more oxygen to the brain and Smith, being a computer program, didn't even HAVE a brain.

He was keeping his poise, but barely. His copies had mostly faded: some were leaning on the wall, or crossing their arms, or even sitting down. The perfect silence that had started this waiting game was starting to be broken up with spats of conversations, discussions, and even games, as he was now involved in.

"I spy, with my little eye, something that is white!" Smith 66 said.

Smith pulled out his gun and shot 66 in the head, and then sighed and opened one of the doors to go hunt for a replacement.

A considerable amount of time later…

Smith sighed as he leaned against the wall, looking at his watch and tapping his foot. What was KEEPING Mr. Anderson?

He almost envied his clones. The hallway was now filled with sitting clones, and about fifteen doors were open as the clones had looked for ways to pass the time with whatever they found behind them. Smith stood up straight and looked into one of the rooms, where 62 and 14 were playing cards.

"Got any 3's?" 62 asked.

"Go fish! Got any 3's?" 14 countered.

"Go fish! Got any 7's?"

"Go fish! Got any 7's?"

"Go fish! Got any 2's?"

"Go fish! Got any 2's?"

"Go fish! Got any kings?"

"Go fish! Got any kings?"

"Go fish! Got any…"

"IF THIS GAME IS EVER GOING TO END, AT LEAST ONE OF YOU HAS GOT TO STOP CHEATING!" Smith roared. He turned around and walked over to another door, which opened up to a pilot's cabin. One of his clones had turned the pilots into more of him, and now the two sat, flying the plane.

"I spy with my…" 113 said.

"Oh please! Not that again! Can't you think of something better to do?" Smith groaned.

"Hmmmmm…I know! Let's panic the passangers!" Smith 31 said. He picked up his radio and turned on the intercom.

"Ladies and gentleman, there is absolutely no cause for alarm." Smith 31 said, and turned off the intercom.

"What was that for?" Smith asked.

"Just letting them wonder what there might be cause for alarm for."

"Like what?"

"I know! The wings are on fire!" Smith 113 said, and picked up his own intercom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the wings are not on fire." He said. Smith smirked. This was amusing.

"Look, one of them is going to the bathroom." Smith 31 said.

"Is he there yet?" Smith 113 asked.

"He's closing the door…"  Smith 31 replied, and Smith 113 immediately picked up his intercom.

"Ladies and gentleman, please return to your seats and fasten your safety belts immediately!"

The three Smiths chuckled over this, and then Smith got any idea, grabbing his own mike.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the emergency…lampoon in front of you is about to flash. When it does please press the blue button on the back of the seats BEHIND you!" Smith said. The two pilot Smiths laughed.

"What are they doing?" Smith asked, trying to see the screen where the pilots could see the cabin.

"Oh, they're going nuts, all scrambling over the seats…" Smith 113 said.

"I can do better." Smith 31 said.

"Prove it!"

"Ladies and gentleman, will someone please find the emergency screw in the bathroom and release it!" Smith 31 said on the mike.

"………..But do not remove your safety belts!" Smith added.

"The Emergency Screw must be released!" Smith 31 said.

"But do not leave your seats!" Smith retorted on the mike.

"Please, do not panic!"

"Tea will now be served!"

"Inflate your life jackets!"  Smith113 said, getting in on the fun.

"And extinguish all cigarettes!"

"Please take your luggage from the racks above you and place them in the racks two rows to your left and behind you!"

"Except for your hand luggage!"

"Which you should sit on!"

The three Smiths laughed a long time, until one of them noticed the camera and stopped laughing.

"What is it?" Smith asked.

"They've all jumped out!" Smith 113 said.

"What…oh well…" Smith said, and he turned around and left the cabin, heading back out into the hallway.

He had taken three steps when one of the closed doors suddenly opened. He immediately sprang into action, drawing his gun and aiming it at the door, as a group of his copies scrambled to do the same.

It wasn't the One. Instead it was a pair of people who looked exactly the same in white coats, white dreads, and white shades. They were also both smoking, literally: smoke rose from their clothes like they had barely escaped being fried. Smith arched an eyebrow.

"Don't mind us…" Twin 1 said.

"We're just…" Twin 2 started.

"Heading home…." Twin 1 finished, as they walked over to the door across from them and opened it with a key. Smith thought he heard a muffled curse about samurai swords and easily flippable SUV's as the door closed.

Smith put his gun away and walked over to another open door. This time four of his clones were sitting in a child's room, playing Monopoly.

" 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" Smith 54 said as he moved his playing piece along the board, coming to a stop.

"Ha! That's my space! You owe me money!" Smith 85 said.

"Uh, 11!" Smith 54 replied, moving one more space.

"HEY!"

"People, we…hey, what are you doing! You can't just take money from the bank!" Smith 22, who was acting as banker, said as Smith 79 reached over and removed some of the brightly coloured bills from the plastic holder in front of Smith 22.

"Yes I can. If I roll high numbers on my next turn, I'll risk landing on one of the high-rent spaces. I can't afford to pay, so I'm sticking up the bank. It's a robbery!" Smith 79 said.

"What? You can't do that!" Smith 22 said.

"Yes I can. I'm not going to risk losing because of a few badly placed hotels."

"Wait…" Smith 22 said as he picked up a piece of cardboard and scanned it. 'The rules don't say you can rob the bank. You're cheating!"

"Do the rules say you CAN'T rob the bank? Just accept this as an unfortunate turn of events." Smith 79 said.

"Well, if that's how he's playing, I'm robbing the bank too!" Smith 54 said, trying to grab his own bills.

"Well if that's how YOU people are going to play, I'M ROBBING YOU!" Smith 85 said, and the three fought to grab various game pieces scattered around them.

"Hah! I stole your deeds to Park Place and Boardwalk!" Smith 54 gloated to Smith 85.

"Ok, THAT'S IT. I'm taking all the houses and hotels, and I'm putting them on Baltic, where you landed! You owe me…$250,000!" Smith 85 yelled.

"That's what YOU think, you…"

Smith groaned and walked away. The childish way his clones were fighting was hard to watch. He wondered if it was just them…

"You encounter a Fierce Gric. Roll the dice to defend." Smith 47 said in another room. Smith stopped and peered in where another group of his clones were playing Dungeons and Dragon in a basement.

"I got a two." Smith 6 said.

"Oh too bad! The Fierce Gric kills your Dwarf Mage, and then humps your mother!" Smith 47 gloated.

"The Dwarf Mage interrupts combat to bitch-slap the dungeon master!" Smith 6 said as he tried to punch Smith 47.

"But the Dwarf Mage is weak, like a little girl, and is beaten into paste!" Smith 47 replied as he fended off the blows.

Smith was about to yell at them when his ears caught a noise of another door opening. He looked out into the hallway but couldn't see any of them opening, which meant it was farther away.

"Hey! The One is here! Get ready!" Smith hissed to the ground, and stole down the hallway, quietly and forcefully giving orders as all his clones scrambled up and ran into the doors. Smith could hear footsteps coming his way.

"Like we rehearsed!" Smith said as the last of them went behind the doors and closed them. He stopped and looked around, and then realized he was too far away from the end of the hall to carry out his original plan of standing at the end of it near the last door. The footsteps were about to come around the corner, so he groaned and improvised, ducking behind the nearest door and closing it. He straightened his tie and shades and listened until the footsteps were right in front of his door, and then he opened it and stepped out dramatically.

It wasn't the One, though he managed to hide his annoyance at that fact. Instead, it was a black woman in red leather, a strange square hairstyle, and no fear as she immediately struck a combat pose when she saw him.

"Damn. Not who I was hoping for…but maybe you can help me find him?" Smith said to the woman.

"You're an Agent?" the woman asked.

"Oh no, no, not anymore." Smith replied. Well, at least he could practice his entrance on this girl.

"Then what are you?"

"Me? I suppose you could say…I am the Alpha…" Smith said.

"To your Omega." Smith 98 said as he stepped out of another door. Smith found the look of surprise and mild alarm that appeared on the woman's face rather amusing.

"The beginning…" Smith 12 said as he stepped out.

"Of your end…" Smith 72 finished as he stepped out as well.

Smith was surprised at the resourcefulness and courage of the woman, as she immediately ran and leapt over him and 98, barreling past them in search of an exit.

"After her!" Smith ordered, and gave chase.

Some time later…

Smith and his clones returned to the hallway with an air of great annoyance. Despite having great numbers, the girl's fleet feet and great luck had led them on a long chase down through a skyscraper and through most of a Chinatown district before the girl had finally escaped on a hard line in a church. It aggravated him that she had gotten away, but it passed. The One would not flee. He would stand. And die. Just in case, he had left a few clones behind to keep an eye on the hallway, but they had seen nothing.

"Ok people, we…" Smith began to say.

Once again, he heard footsteps, multiple ones this time. This was more then one person.

"Damn. Everyone back behind the doors!" Smith hissed.

"Do we…"

"Just do it! Forget the routine!" Smith said as he ran over to the position he had picked out before. His clones ran into the open doors and closed them behind them.

Smith straightened out his outfit, shades, and hair again, and lowered his hands…

And realized he had no idea what he was going to say when the One turned the corner and saw him. His mind raced as he tried to think of something suitably intimidating and fierce that represented the omniscience that was Smith…

And came up with nothing. The group was about to turn the corner. Smith signed inwardly and went with the first thing he remembered.

Neo, Morpheus, and the Keymaker turned the corner and stopped when they saw Smith standing there.

"Sorry. This is a dead end." 


End file.
